Waiting

Some ruminations of the day.

***

Sometimes I wonder what I’m waiting for.

“Just wait until middle school!”

“Just wait until high school!”

“Just wait until college!”

“Just wait until T H E  R E A L  W O R L D.”

Am I there yet?

 

I wonder when that perfect set of events will happen that makes me the man I’m supposed to be. I know I’m not that man now. But will I ever be? In waiting and waiting and waiting, am I saving the world from who I am now? Or am I saving myself from the world? Or am I, more probably, awash in delusion?

 

I wonder if the wait is required. Because if Jesus says, “Come as you are,” shouldn’t we all? But we don’t. So I wait, awash in delusion.

 

In college, I met the most beautiful girl in the world. Everything she did was an extension of love and I knew immediately I wanted to be a part of her life. Such beauty threw my own verve in sharp relief. I saw she had reached T H E  R E A L  W O R L D while I accepted my setting instead. So I waited.

 

I wonder how time moves in our perceptions. In age, it speeds. In waiting, it crawls. These two can happen in simultaneous waves. And these years since have been an agitated mix.

 

I wonder why I wait. The man I’m supposed to be isn’t waiting. The most beautiful girl in the world isn’t waiting.

 

It’s time for action, not waiting.

 

Come as you are.

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