No, I Don’t Have any Milk

Greetings! Today is the 28th of May and I would like to make good on my goal of one (minimum) blog post a month. I haven’t posted one yet this month because I have been on a mission trip to Israel. (Awesome, no?) I got back last night. I’ll be detailing the trip probably on this blog, but I wanted to share a story that I thought was humorous.

On our trip back to the university, we landed in Philadelphia. Having just gone through customs, we had to go through the security checkpoint. One of the signs in line noted that no liquids in excess of three ounces are allowed to be taken aboard airplanes, except for formula, milk, and baby food (and that these must be declared). I noticed that it didn’t specify “breast milk,” but simply said “milk.” So I wondered aloud with the group if I could just bring gallons of milk on board, as long as I declared them.

I have heard you are not supposed to joke with the TSA. But… Well…

The security guard at the head of the line had a smile on her face as she talked with the person in front of me. Smiles are usually seen as the international symbol for a good mood, so I decided I’d ask her about bringing milk on a plane.

“Good morning, sir. How are you?”

“I’m well, thank you. How are you?” I handed her my passport.

“I’m alright.”

“Good. Hey, I have a question.”


“Your sign over there says that milk can be brought on board as long as it’s declared. Are we really allowed to just bring milk?”

“Only if it is for a baby.” She handed me back my passport.

“Oh. So I can’t just bring a couple gallons of milk for if I get thirsty?”

Any joy on her face disappeared. “If you have any milk, you need to declare it now.”

“No, I don’t have any milk.”


What is the moral of the story? You might be thinking it’s “Don’t joke with the Transportation Security Administration.” But it’s really just “know your audience.” That poor lady probably had thirty other idiots like myself coming through her line that day, thinking they’re all clever with their loophole jokes. They’re just there to do a service. Know your audience.

I want some milk…

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